Love, Marriage, and Everything In Between

Many of you have read this on Facebook, but I wanted to move it to my blog to be read again, or for the first time.

Obviously, I thanked President Obama for taking a difficult stand on marriage equality. Today, I have some thoughts of my own to share.

In 2003, I married the love of my life. I say “married” because that’s what it is to us. We had a beautiful wedding, a ballroom of family and friends to support us, delicious food, and entertainment from the amazing Patrice Pike. We didn’t get a marriage license or certificate, but that didn’t matter. We did get a Civil Union certificate, but that didn’t matter either. It didn’t hold any legal bearing, and literally was just a piece of paper. What did matter was what was in our hearts. Isn't that where marriage really should be?

In 2009, we had a vow renewal ceremony to reaffirm our commitment to each other and as a gesture before becoming parents. Again, we had an incredible amount of family and friends there to support us, great food, and entertainment.  We still didn't get a piece of paper, but guess what.. our hearts still had the love and commitment we needed.

In the first ceremony, what I did not add, is that we had an ordained minister who performed it. Bible verses were even read! Now, I am not going to proclaim I am religious…etc. etc. I will say I was raised in The United Methodist church, and they support same sex couples and remain Christian. My point is, God/spirituality/faith cannot be removed from a relationship by an individual, group, or denomination. Making same sex marriage legal does not require said same people to change their beliefs, their practices, or anything else. Just as it is now, churches, ministers, and whole denominations can choose not to perform such ceremonies. No government official or court will have that control.

The issue of same sex marriage should not be viewed as a “Christian” dilemma. After all, legal marriages of “non-Christians” are performed every day. The legal aspect of this issue, the civil rights aspect of this issue, is what matters to the majority of gay people. For me, personally, all I really need in the end, is the unconditional love of family and friends, regardless of our differences of opinion, and I am happy to say I have that for the most part.

However, we now have a child. And now, more than ever, it is important to us to be treated equally. I know that being parents together is a separate issue in and of itself. Does it make sense that even though Shana isn’t legally Jayden’s parent at this point, and cannot be on his birth certificate as a second parent, she is listed as such at doctors’ offices because she is the primary cardholder of our health insurance? Likewise, at Verizon, where Shana works, and through our insurance company, we are considered spouses and co-parents and thus covered under the same insurance. Shana was even able to take maternity leave for the birth of our little angel, as well as additional leave for "bonding". How wonderful is that? We are very fortunate to have an OB doctor and nurse that fully support our family, and have done everything they can to make sure we are taken care of. However, most of the people at the doctors’ offices I go to, or the pediatrician’s office that we use, cannot grasp the concept. I can’t tell you the number of times I have had to spell it out to the person at the check-in desk. What’s scary, is that there is a potential for a hospital to not recognize Shana and I as each other’s  closest family member. They might do the same where Jayden is concerned, and that is unacceptable. Yes, legal documents will be beneficial, but how ridiculous!

The one right we have been granted, by fair judges in Faulkner County, is to now have the same last name. Our collective last name is Wilcox-Revels. I just had to add Revels to my name, Shana had to have Wilcox inserted into her's, and Jayden had a no-questions-asked Wilcox-Revels put on his birth certificate.

So, I am not asking for religious-based approval, I am only asking for the rights that allow us to take comfort in the protection of our family. People should be able to marry the person they love and want to be committed to (astonishingly, I exclude such relationships as parent marrying child, brother marrying sister, and with great hesitation, human marrying pet. But hey, that’s just my opinion..).

On a positive note, not to worry, I am already planning our
next ceremony. After all, I think reaffirming vows to the same person over time trumps marrying multiple women and then divorcing them to go on to the next, Rush Limbaugh.